As I've mentioned before - to the point where this is now tatooed on my forehead in bright red ink - I never leave my house. Single mom. Three kids. I live at home. I work at home.
I don't get out much.
All that time in my house has made me pasty white and about as fit as a marshmallow. So when my au pair was sick the other day and it was time to walk to school and pick up the two younger kids, I said a very sympathetic, "Oh, honey, you go rest. I'll get the kids." Then I grabbed the keys and dashed out the door before she could change her mind.
My kids were overjoyed. They ran out of school and threw their arms around me as if I'd just returned from Mars.
My redhead was particularly thrilled. Because he had news. He pulled my head down and pretended to whisper.
"Mom!" he said. "That's her! That's her!" Only he used her name, because he's smart like that.
It turns out that this little girl is in his class. And she has a pet crocodile. She brought it in to school and now my little guy has a HUGE crush on her, because what reasonable boy would not have a crush on a girl with a pet crocodile. Not to mention she's a cutie.
So he tried to follow her home after school. Sat down on the curb, refused to budge, and said, "Mom! Wait! I want to see where she lives."
Now her dad, who's my neighbor and seems a friendly enough fellow, thinks I'm raising a stalker. Which, very possibly, I am.
Wait till I tell him I'm letting my nearly-12-year-old date.
Probably I should leave my house more, if only so the neighbors don't fear me.