January 21, 2011

Rose-Colored Bifocals

Back in the days when I had time to read - so much time, in fact, that I was reading for a living ... if you can call incurring thousands of dollars in student loans a living. Which, you know, you can't. So, uh ... yeah.

Anyway, back then, my eyes were on a steady diet of Chaucer and Virginia Woolf. It was grad school. It was an English lit program. I read. I read a lot. And my eyes forgot how to see far away.

So I wore glasses, and I kinda liked them. They gave me that sexy librarian vibe. Or so I thought. Possibly that was all in my head.

The glasses were a fleeting thing, though. I wore them for about three years, after which my eyes learned once again that life can happen at a distance.

Twenty years of nearly perfect vision later, I'm buying glasses again. See, about a month ago, give or take, I got lost. This is not unusual. I get lost so often that my sweet and thoughtful fellow got me a GPS for Christmas - one that talks to me from time to time just to remind me I'm driving, and believe me, the rest of you are grateful that it does. But this particular lostisode was pre-Christmas. Pre-GPS. What's worse, I knew where I was going. I didn't get lost because I was lost. I got lost because I missed my turn. And I missed my turn because I couldn't read the street sign.

Dangerous much?

So I went to the optometrist. I plonked down a ridiculous sum of money. And now I'm soon to be the proud owner of a brand spanking new pair of glasses that the much younger woman at the shop told me were fashionable but not flashy. I have no fashion sense. She smiled at me and said I looked great after saying a few times I didn't. So I decided to trust her. 

You want to know the best part? They're bifocals. Or, rather, progressives, which is a nice, modern way of saying bifocals. Apparently I can't see close up, and I can't see far away. I can see in the middle, though. I guess that's something.

Bifocals. Feh.

I don't feel like a sexy librarian anymore. I just feel old.

You think maybe they'll make them with rose-colored lenses?


  1. I could add to you story. After wearing glasses or contacts for my entire life, I got Lasik in 2001. Best thing in the world. Loved it. I could go on and on. But in the last couple of years, I noticed my eyesight for distance is getting worse. I marched back to my doctor touting the lifetime guarantee, at which time he said if we do correction for distance I will lose my vision for close up. He clarified this is a muscle issue that comes with age and I get to choose whether to see close or see far without correction. So I am again a not-so-proud wearer of glasses. Getting old stinks.

    And I still qualify for hearing aids. Maybe I will breakdown and get them sometime this year. For now, we just turn up the the TV.

    Love you! -Lisa

  2. It's OK R.M.

    As a friend who has a few years on you, don't feel bad! I wear contacts but when the sun goes down, out come my father's soda bottle specs (I've got the lined bifocals, so imagine how old I feel!). As far as the librarian thing goes, Mrs M went through this a couple of years ago. At the risk of delving into TMI land, I'll just say there's still life after bifocals!

  3. @Lisa - honey, go get the hearing aids! I've got another friend, younger than both of us, who's btdt. They are cool and fun and you can get ones that pick up your iPod, and ones that go with your outfit, and they'll change your life.

    @Midlifer - Glad to hear there's hope! Though the nausea may well kill me before I find that your "life after" statement is true ...